It started like any other quiet night at the Ashland ABC Store, one of Virginia’s state-run liquor outlets just north of Richmond. But by the time employees arrived for their Saturday morning shift in late November 2025, the place looked like the scene of a one-animal frat party gone horribly wrong.

A raccoon — described by officials as a “masked bandit” and “furry burglar” — had broken into the closed store the night before, fallen through a ceiling tile, and embarked on what animal control officers later called “a full-blown rampage.” The opportunistic critter helped itself to the bottom-shelf spirits, smashing bottles of scotch, whisky, rum, moonshine and even peanut butter whiskey. Liquor pooled on the floor amid shards of glass. Then, apparently feeling no pain, the raider stumbled into the bathroom, collapsed between the toilet and the trash bin, and passed out cold.

When staff walked in, they found the scene straight out of a cartoon. “It wreaked havoc,” Carol Mawyer, public relations manager for the Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control Authority, told reporters. The masked intruder had clearly sampled more than a few drops. Surveillance footage, blurry but unmistakable, captured the break-in — though it offered no clue exactly how much the animal had consumed.

Animal control officer Samantha Martin of the Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter was called to the scene. “He fell through one of the ceiling tiles and went on a full-blown rampage, drinking everything,” Martin said. “It’s just another day in the life of an animal control officer.”

The raccoon, showing no serious injuries beyond what officials politely termed “maybe a hangover and poor life choices,” was transported to the shelter. There it slept off its bender for several hours. Once sober and steady on its paws, the animal was released back into the wild with a tongue-in-cheek warning from shelter staff.

“After a few hours of sleep and zero signs of injury (other than maybe a hangover and poor life choices), he was safely released back to the wild, hopefully having learned that breaking and entering is not the answer,” the Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter posted on Facebook. The liquor store later thanked the shelter on social media for giving the raccoon a “sober ride home.”

The story exploded online almost immediately. Videos and photos of the passed-out raccoon — spread-eagled on the bathroom floor — went viral, spawning countless memes. “Hold my beer,” joked one commenter. Another suggested the animal had simply “heard the prices and decided to drink the profits.” Local news stations aired the grainy CCTV footage alongside interviews with bemused officials, turning a minor property-damage call into national entertainment.

Wildlife experts were not entirely surprised. Raccoons are among the most intelligent and adaptable mammals in North America, famous for their dexterous paws and problem-solving skills. In suburban areas like Ashland, they have become urban survivors, raiding trash cans, attics and, apparently, state liquor stores. “They’re curious and opportunistic,” said one Virginia wildlife biologist who asked not to be named because he was laughing too hard. “If there’s a way in and something interesting inside, they’ll find it.”

Alcohol, however, is no laughing matter for wildlife. Veterinarians note that even small amounts can cause severe dehydration, disorientation and dangerous drops in body temperature. Most animals that ingest fermented fruit or spilled booze in the wild never make the evening news; they simply suffer quietly or worse. This raccoon’s survival was chalked up to luck, youth and the relatively small quantities it managed to lap up amid the chaos.

The incident is hardly the first time animals have made headlines for overindulging. In India, elephants have famously raided villages after gorging on fermented mahua fruit, trampling fences and sleeping it off in rice paddies. In Colorado, black bears have been caught breaking into homes for beer. Closer to home, a Florida bear once stole a six-pack from a cooler and was later photographed looking sheepish on a neighbor’s porch. But few have achieved the perfect comedic timing of the Virginia raccoon — breaking in, drinking up, and passing out in the most undignified spot possible.

For the Ashland ABC Store, the cleanup was no joke. Smashed bottles meant lost inventory and a thorough sanitizing of the floor and bathroom. State officials confirmed the damage was covered under normal insurance, and no human customers were inconvenienced. The store reopened on schedule, though employees reportedly joked about installing raccoon-proof ceiling tiles.

Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter, which handles everything from stray dogs to nuisance wildlife, used the episode as a teaching moment. Their Facebook post quickly became the most-shared update in the shelter’s history, reminding followers that wild animals belong in the wild — even if they occasionally develop expensive tastes.

As for the raccoon itself, it vanished back into the woods around Ashland, presumably wiser, drier and perhaps a bit queasy. Whether it has sworn off scotch for life remains unknown. But one thing is certain: in a world full of serious news, sometimes the strangest stories remind us why we read the paper — or scroll the feed — in the first place.

Officials say they have received no further reports of boozy bandits in the area. For now, the Ashland ABC Store stands as a cautionary tale wrapped in fur and mischief: lock your ceilings, mind your spirits, and never underestimate what a determined raccoon can do after hours.